Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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