I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
