I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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