Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
i believe in u and ur pee
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