that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
