dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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