lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
