he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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