hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
