I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
