Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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