so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
