sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
