I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Pants 0. Shit 1.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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