Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
