uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize