Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
