If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize