Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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