im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
