Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
