You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
