if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
