Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
