I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I would fuck him just for his dog
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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