I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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