He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
