Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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