Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
