I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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