Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
