Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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