Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
