just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
