You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
