Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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