I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
