I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
