i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
