the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
