My cat gives me a boner
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize