You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
