just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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