I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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