Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
