i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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