I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize