At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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