I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
