A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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