I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
