Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
