...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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