Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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