Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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