is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
