oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
