I can text with my tongue
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
