Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize