What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
