At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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