FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
