I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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