Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
