i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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