i need an iv and a liver transplant
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
