Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
