Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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